This June lifestyle post is going to be a little different than my usual ones. I'm not going to share random things that I did, but rather just sit and talk about what's going on in my life. This post is one that I've been looking forward to writing, because I have to much to share. But it's also one that I've been dreading because this is probably the most personal thing that I've written here on my blog. I've been reluctant because I'm really and truly sharing not only a piece of my life today, but a piece of my heart.
First and Foremost- after a lot of thought, overthinking, discussions with my husband, worry, stress, and tears, I decided to leave my job that I've been at for 6 years. It was a very hard decision, and to be quite honest, it was a decision that I should have made probably 5 years ago. I left for many different reasons which I won't get into, but mainly and most importantly, I left because I wasn't happy and I never have been. I really hate to use the word 'never' because while that is mostly true, it's also not. I worked for a small family owned business, so all of my co workers also became like family to me, and I was like family to them. I became very close with everyone I worked with, and that was very hard to let go of and probably what has kept me there for so long. One of my best and closest friends worked with me, and that alone was enough to keep me there for as long as I was. My heart literally broke when I told my boss that I was leaving. But I also knew that this decision was for the best and that you can only move forward in life, and I couldn't do that while I was there. Leaving also came with lots and lots of tears, but also with a huge relief and weight off my chest.
So what am I doing now? A little bit of everything, and a little bit of nothing. And I want to say nothing very loosely, I really just mean I've taken a lot of much needed time to relax and focus on myself (more on this later!). Working as much as I did left little time to do things that I wanted to do, and things that I needed to do. For 5 years I only had Sunday's off and having only one day off was very hard to keep up with errands, housework, etc. And in the last year at my job I went down to 4 days and had three days off, but frankly I didn't want to do anything on my days off. I wanted to relax because I knew I had to go to work in the next day and be stressed and unhappy.
I've always thought of all the things I would want to do if I didn't work so much. I said I would do yoga, I'd workout more, I would have time for housework, to cook healthy meals, I'd have more time for friends and family, I could actually do things on weekends if I didn't have to work every Saturday. My desire for those things was so strong, and I couldn't have them. Now I can and it feels pretty damn amazing. Now I can do all those things. I feel free and excited.
I've had more time for blogging and YouTube. I use to dread filming videos because they took up so much time. Now I'm actually excited to film and edit. I have so many ideas and dreams that I'm working hard to create and achieve, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm working on some things that I will hopefully be announcing next month and I can't wait to share them with you.
So basically I've finally put my happiness first when I left my job. It was a first step that I've needed to take for so long. I've been really focused on achieving happiness and working on myself. I've felt this need and will to truly be happy, find inner piece, and work on self love. My heart literally aches with need for those things. I know everyone is always on a journey to find themselves, but my journey has never felt so real. I'm really working on finding things that are important and make me happy. I'm someone who overthinks everything, has anxiety, constantly worries, gets upset too easily over stupid things, and I'm very hard on myself, and I'm just trying to let go of all that. Let go of negative things and be more positive, and truly appreciate all life has to offer. With all that being said, I've also been working on disconnecting from my phone and social media more, especially when I'm spending time with others. When I'm with someone, I don't want to be checking my Instagram and facebook, I don't want to be texting other people. I truly want to focus on who I'm with, even and especially if I'm just spending some time with my husband at home. Also, when I'm by myself I'm trying to disconnect as well so I can focus on the things I'm doing and I how I'm feeling when I'm focusing on myself. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered and I enjoy my alone time. I don't want to be caught up in the world and other people's lives and drama, and those who bring that to me. I just want to be, and let things be. I've always been someone who enjoys being alone, but I've never fully embraced it. I've realized how important it is to be happy and do what you love, and I honesty couldn't thank my husband enough for helping this be possible for me.
This post is ridiculously long, but I honesty put a lot of emotion and honestly into this. I've let my heart and emotion out. I'm someone who rarely tells anyone how I truly feel, which is something else I'm working on. I'm learning to embrace my feelings, whether they are good, bad, or ugly. So I really wanted to say thank you to anyone who took time out of their day to read this. And if you've read the whole thing, big props and a big thank you!
I'm excited and motivated for the future. And like I mentioned earlier, I have a ton of things planned that I'm working on and I will hopefully be sharing them with you very soon! July, I'm coming for you.